Well you may have noticed that it is not May yet and I'm about ready to be talking about yo' Mama's.

I have had a handful of years to think about my own mother and the life-cycle of a loved one lost before your eyes slowly due to early onset Alzheimer's. It's one of those things they always say you never think will happen to you, but yeah. Life does tend to happen at will. It's what makes being human so beautiful as we are rather simple and beautiful blips in time. 

Memory is one of the things we cherish so heavily as human people types. It's not the things you buy that will make you happy, we say. It's the memories you make. But what happens when you don't have those memories to look back on?

Though my mother's memories may be fading in and out, and sometimes just mixed up my own memories are forever with me until I may not have them anymore. They are what will continue to make me smile, cry, or laugh. As my sweet mum's memories go and she has started to forget that I'm older and have a husband now. My cherished memories will stay with me burning like a little flame that I tend to and feed to keep it glowing. Those stories she told me while I was growing up will now be my responsibility to continue holding onto.

I can't ever guarantee that she'll remember me now, and that's perfectly not her fault. She taught me to look forward and accept how to take in new obstacles as a life-growing challenge. Now, how I make her feel is entirely my responsibility. It's a new stage of growing as a human being. Much like learning to adult! I must learn to adult at the next level. I consider it some sort of sad-second puberty of sorts. I intend to make this mother of mine proud, carry on her goofiness and her values. I do this for me solely because she'll never know. The point isn't for her to know the things I do. The goal is to live a life with all the teachings and values I have learned.

I know all the ways to honor my mother.

I know when I would play the piano or saxophone as a kid, she would come running in and shout while dancing and smiling, "Kimmi! I want you to play this at my funeral!" Whereupon I would obviously cry out no! Like any normal human would, denying the inevitable. But now I find myself constantly thinking about how much she really wants us to send her out on a party-note. She is the most fun and playful person I have had the great honor of being prepared-for-life by. She deserves my happiness and everything I can do well. 

She has worn my jewelry that I made since early 2005. She would even send me metal clays to experiment with while she was back home visiting her family in Taiwan because I couldn't get that kind of material in the US back then. As someone that has always believed in what I can do, she trained me to think I have the ability to figure things out. It's perhaps the greatest intangible gift I never realized I received until I started spending so many recent years constantly thinking of her and my dad and how they raised me and my sisters.

So Mothers's Day.

What are you going to do? Send a bunch of stupid pretty flowers that will no doubt make her smile every time she looks at them? Most likely. Who could deny a happy feeling? Phone calls are a thing my mum and I did so much of when I was away from her in college and post-college. Then one of the last times she went to Taiwan it acted almost like a practice to graduate and function independently of one of my best of friends.

I created a rather dark series that I ended up naming the Lava Collection. Link here, and it feels vulgar to do so but it's never quite obvious to me if folks will really embrace and read the meaning behind my sculptural works in the shop. I feel more at ease explaining it here.

This collection came about because I'm a person to act vs. talk my feelings. I express with my practice in art and poured a lot of my heart and stubborn desires into working on a concept to express how I felt about healing through broken pieces. I then wrapped it all up in this beautiful package of memories and laughter and tirelessly seeking the Northern Lights: I was reminded of traveling with friends in Iceland -- a place that is time and time again erupting in volcanic activity and as it repairs, fresh new beginnings grow. It's why I love the rivers of gold that break through the crust of the porcelain Lava Collection.

I would love to share this collection with my mother, as it is so much her creation too. But, this will remain my beautiful secret-ode to my mother.

I believe in a good secret that can hold us up and give us strength in times that test you on how you will grow. You will be challenged in life. Enjoy it for all the good and sad feelings it teaches you to feel and share. Whether you are already a mother, had a mother, or lucky to know one hell of a mother.

Happy Mother's Day.